A New Perspective

I've decided to make a few changes. They may seem small to other people, but to me, they're huge! I just changed my name back to my maiden name after being divorced for over 6 years. I am no longer his wife, and I was tired of carrying his family name with me everywhere I go. If one more person called me, "Mrs. Oliver" I was gonna freak out! I wanted to be me again, damnit. I defined myself as Jade's wife and Violet's mom, but who the hell am I when they are gone? Well, that's a whole 'nother Oprah, but the point is, I lost sight of who I am, and I'm trying to find my way back. While at the DMV getting a new license, I was asked to cover my left eye and read a chart in the distance. Well, it turns out the new me has a shitty right eye. Last time I checked, Emily Cisneros was a 21-year-old, and now she's an old lady who needs glasses! I was not happy with this news. But I got the damn glasses, and it's been an adjustment. I was told it would take my eyes and brain several days to adjust to the glasses. Everything is now in focus, not just what's right in front of me... It is overwhelming. Too much visual information to process all at once. Over the last several days I've had to make a conscious effort to ignore all the newly visible leaves on the trees, all the signs I can now read, and just focus on the road ahead of me. The interesting thing is that adjusting to wearing glasses is like a metaphor for my life and the way I process every stressful thing in my life. I take it in all at once, and let little things pile on top of me, weigh me down, until I feel like I can't carry to weight of the load on my shoulders. I just need to focus on one thing and leave everything in the periphery blurry until I have the ability, the time, the energy, to focus on it. One day at a time. One broken springler, one unmowed lawn, one bill, one man, one drama at a time.