I had this grand idea of starting a blog years ago, and then completely abandoned it. It was kinda fun to read those first couple of blogs. Short and sweet. Here I am, in exactly the same place almost two years later, still single, and Violet's now 7. I'm sitting at the same computer and the same office that I was when I published my first two posts... The only difference is that the doctor I worked for isn't here anymore. His name is still on the door, still on the business cards, I still speak his name everytime I answer the phone. He is very much here in spirit, not in a "spiritual," ghost-like way, but I mean he's in our thoughts constantly. He passed away 6 months ago. I found him on the floor of his office, looking more frail than I'd ever seen him. He was a thin man, soft-spoken, kind and gentle. I, with my big, sometimes dominating personality, felt it was in my job description to protect him, from angry patients, solicitors, salespeople, anyone. I was his gate-keeper, and nobody, but nobody got to see the wizard without getting through me first. Well, I learned a lot from losing him. The experience brought back so many painful emotions for me. Losing my employer, a man I depended on to put a roof over my head and food on my table was gone, suddenly and unexpectedly... It was a familiar feeling, although I've had little experience with death, I am no stranger to loss. Losing Dr. Messenger felt so much like losing a husband. I depended on him. I liked him. I think he mostly tolerated my assertive personality. I would say that I had too much "horse power" for him. But I think he enjoyed my overall presence in the office. I've been told that he said I was exactly what he needed in his office. So, once again my life revolves around the loss of a man and seeking to replace someone who is, well... irreplaceable; only this time at work, rather than at home.
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